The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness
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- Create Date：2022-05-10 06:58:21
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Ichiro Kishimi
- ISBN：1501197274
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Summary
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up for the mind， The Courage to Be Disliked is the Japanese phenomenon that shows you how to free yourself from the shackles of past experiences and others’ expectations to achieve real happiness。
The Courage to Be Disliked， already an enormous bestseller in Asia with more than 3。5 million copies sold， demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be。
Using the theories of Alfred Adler， one of the three giants of twentieth century psychology， this book follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man。 The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own life， free from the shackles of past experiences， doubts， and the expectations of others。 It’s a way of thinking that is deeply liberating， allowing us to develop the courage to change， and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us have placed on ourselves。 The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance。 Millions have already read and benefitted from its wisdom。
This is a truly special book in the vein of Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up but for the mind。 Those ready to embrace the insights and liberation promised by The Courage to Be Disliked will come to a deeper understanding of themselves and others， and find the inspiration to take the reins of their own life。
The Courage to Be Disliked， already an enormous bestseller in Asia with more than 3。5 million copies sold， demonstrates how to unlock the power within yourself to be the person you truly want to be。
Using the theories of Alfred Adler， one of the three giants of twentieth century psychology， this book follows an illuminating conversation between a philosopher and a young man。 The philosopher explains to his pupil how each of us is able to determine our own life， free from the shackles of past experiences， doubts， and the expectations of others。 It’s a way of thinking that is deeply liberating， allowing us to develop the courage to change， and to ignore the limitations that we and those around us have placed on ourselves。 The result is a book that is both highly accessible and profound in its importance。 Millions have already read and benefitted from its wisdom。
This is a truly special book in the vein of Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up but for the mind。 Those ready to embrace the insights and liberation promised by The Courage to Be Disliked will come to a deeper understanding of themselves and others， and find the inspiration to take the reins of their own life。
Reviews
Cléber Oliveira
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Incrível。Fazia um tempo que eu queria ler este livro， que me foi recomendado por um amigo。 Fiquei um pouco hesitante depois de descobrir que o texto era em forma de diálogos， como os textos de Platão em relação aos ensinamentos de Sócrates。 Eu particularmente não sou （ou era） lá muito fã deste estilo。Mas depois de muito arrastar， decidi dar uma chance e devo dizer que foi a melhor coisa que fiz nos últimos tempos。 Este livro é fenomenal， leve， sutil e muito claro。O livro é basicamente o diálogo Incrível。Fazia um tempo que eu queria ler este livro， que me foi recomendado por um amigo。 Fiquei um pouco hesitante depois de descobrir que o texto era em forma de diálogos， como os textos de Platão em relação aos ensinamentos de Sócrates。 Eu particularmente não sou （ou era） lá muito fã deste estilo。Mas depois de muito arrastar， decidi dar uma chance e devo dizer que foi a melhor coisa que fiz nos últimos tempos。 Este livro é fenomenal， leve， sutil e muito claro。O livro é basicamente o diálogo entre um jovem que busca sentido para a sua vida e um filósofo / psicólogo。 Durante suas conversas é apresentada a psicologia de Adler， a psicologia individual。 Através de muito exemplos o filósofo vai apresentando as teorias de Adler e ajudando o jovem， tratando temas como: o sentido da vida， traumas， felicidade， escolhas， percepção sobre o mundo， culpa etc。Me identifiquei bastante com as teorias introduzidas no livro， fáceis de entender， porém super árduas de aplicar。 Todo o livro me soou muito a filosofia de vida dos estóicos， me lembrando alguns livros que li do Ryan Holiday。Este livro já entrou para minha lista de releituras e foi o livro que mais sublinhei nos últimos anos。 Super recomendo a todos que gostam de psicologia， filosofia e assuntos relacionados à nossa percepção sobre o mundo。 。。。more
Ezgi Çakın
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This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers。 To view it， click here。 Can't really say that i agree with abandoning the past fully makes any sense but the only person who can free yourself from the past and all the traumas is you。 And I accept that。 I am not a strong believer in Freudian psychology as well。 I genuinely think we need to find the middle ground。 Telling someone to just move on and not to use the past as an excuse is not going to work all the time。 Sometimes it is an excuse and other times it is not。 Past does not define us completely but it does to a Can't really say that i agree with abandoning the past fully makes any sense but the only person who can free yourself from the past and all the traumas is you。 And I accept that。 I am not a strong believer in Freudian psychology as well。 I genuinely think we need to find the middle ground。 Telling someone to just move on and not to use the past as an excuse is not going to work all the time。 Sometimes it is an excuse and other times it is not。 Past does not define us completely but it does to a certain degree。 I can understand why this book was an eye opener for a lot of people though。 If you have s relatively high self awareness and have been working on yourself for a while now， this book will not be incandescent for you。 Overall a very good read though。 It reminded me some things that i forgot while walking on the path that is called life。 A nice reminder！ 。。。more
Amber Williams
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I started out this book saying “Yes！” and “Amen！” but then I felt it was redundant and I didn’t finish it。It’s a good read and makes you think。
Elena
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Although a lot of ideas in this book are great， I absolutely hated the presentation。 I don't hate the Socratic method， but it's not one of my favorites， especially when the characters are annoying as hell。 Listened to it as an audiobook and they both annoyed me to no end。Can't overlook the blatant victim blaming either。 Yes， there are a lot of circumstances when you have to take matters in your own hand and ignore those that harm you。 But it can't be applied in all situations。Basically the advic Although a lot of ideas in this book are great， I absolutely hated the presentation。 I don't hate the Socratic method， but it's not one of my favorites， especially when the characters are annoying as hell。 Listened to it as an audiobook and they both annoyed me to no end。Can't overlook the blatant victim blaming either。 Yes， there are a lot of circumstances when you have to take matters in your own hand and ignore those that harm you。 But it can't be applied in all situations。Basically the advice that we each have our own tasks and we should not interfere with other people's tasks is great。 I just wish there was a different book and arguments to showcase it， as the book uses strawman arguments and disregards basic biology， psychology， and sociology。 1。5 stars， won't give it 1， because a couple of ideas actually stuck。 。。。more
Danish Prakash
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This was a recommendation from a friend。 I had never heard of Alfred Adler before this， but like others， have heard of other prominent psychiatrists such as Freud， Jung， etc。 This book is written in a very easy-to-digest manner， a discourse between a young man（you） and a philosopher， taking direct inspiration from the Dialogues of Plato。 There were times in the book when it felt like the authors are aggressively undermining Freudian psychology rather than _just_focusing on Adler's， which could b This was a recommendation from a friend。 I had never heard of Alfred Adler before this， but like others， have heard of other prominent psychiatrists such as Freud， Jung， etc。 This book is written in a very easy-to-digest manner， a discourse between a young man（you） and a philosopher， taking direct inspiration from the Dialogues of Plato。 There were times in the book when it felt like the authors are aggressively undermining Freudian psychology rather than _just_focusing on Adler's， which could be a little off-putting given what they are preaching。 But that being said， I learned a ton of new actionable items from this book。 It revolves around the concept of "Individual Psychology" or how only you can change yourself in the here and now。 Adler also emphasizes community contribution and a feeling of belongingness which eventually helps a person make the change。 Additionally， the examples put forward are the ones you can relate to i。e。 they are set in the modern world， they talk about job struggles， etc。 A very good read。 。。。more
Pond
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The ideas in this book are controversial。 There’s a good chance you will vehemently disagree with some of the core arguments after you finish reading。 I know I do。But at the same time， it’s a fascinating journey。 Immerse yourself in it， and you may find yourself questioning what it means to be happy， and what the meaning of life is。 The dialogues are engaging and enraging but I can say that I came out the other end a bit changed。
Kryzo
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I felt like I understood it the first time reading through it。 The second time？ Nope， especially the later half。
Viktor Lövgren
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A primer on Adlerian psychology。 Many interesting concepts to ponder， such as "all problems are interpersonal relationship problems"， separation of tasks and the presumably slightly provocative "trauma does not exist"。 The Plato-inspired dialogue format suits the subject well。 Kind of like "The Peaceful Warrior" without the actual plot， just the conversations between student and master。 A primer on Adlerian psychology。 Many interesting concepts to ponder， such as "all problems are interpersonal relationship problems"， separation of tasks and the presumably slightly provocative "trauma does not exist"。 The Plato-inspired dialogue format suits the subject well。 Kind of like "The Peaceful Warrior" without the actual plot， just the conversations between student and master。 。。。more
Filo
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"Der Mut zum Glücklichsein beinhaltet auch den Mut， nicht gemocht zu werden。" （S。 173）"Solange wir das Leben aufschieben， kommen wir nicht weiter und werden unsere Tage - einen nach dem anderen - nur in stumpfer Monotonie verbringen， denn wir stellen uns das Hier und Jetzt lediglich als eine Vorbereitungsphase vor [。。。]。" （S。 286） "Der Mut zum Glücklichsein beinhaltet auch den Mut， nicht gemocht zu werden。" （S。 173）"Solange wir das Leben aufschieben， kommen wir nicht weiter und werden unsere Tage - einen nach dem anderen - nur in stumpfer Monotonie verbringen， denn wir stellen uns das Hier und Jetzt lediglich als eine Vorbereitungsphase vor [。。。]。" （S。 286） 。。。more
Heather Lobb
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I really needed this one。 I think we all could benefit from this read。 This book so simply lays out Adlerian psychology by explaining it through dialogue as a life philosophy。 Large concepts that provide the answers to existential questions are presented so simply by this author。 This book provides such a profound perspective change。 I am forever changed by this read。
Brad Milison
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A 3。5 from me。 There were some things said I really enjoyed and will hold onto， but there were also things claimed that I strongly disagree with， one of which many others also have a problem with， which is the whole "trauma isn't real。" I do think it's okay to cherry-pick certain things from this， though， because they can still affect you postively。 A 3。5 from me。 There were some things said I really enjoyed and will hold onto， but there were also things claimed that I strongly disagree with， one of which many others also have a problem with， which is the whole "trauma isn't real。" I do think it's okay to cherry-pick certain things from this， though， because they can still affect you postively。 。。。more
James
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Really good。 Read it。
Carole
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J'encourage chaque personne à lire ce livre au moins une fois dans sa vie！ Tout le monde ne sera sûrement pas en accord avec la psychologie adlérienne， mais elle mérite sincèrement d'être connue。 A savoir tout de même， qu'il ne pas s'agit pas d'un livre sur le développement personnel， mais bien un livre de philosophie！ J'encourage chaque personne à lire ce livre au moins une fois dans sa vie！ Tout le monde ne sera sûrement pas en accord avec la psychologie adlérienne， mais elle mérite sincèrement d'être connue。 A savoir tout de même， qu'il ne pas s'agit pas d'un livre sur le développement personnel， mais bien un livre de philosophie！ 。。。more
Zach Rowe
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i generally get stuck when it comes to philosophy/psychology。 i enjoyed the format of this book quite a bit， though — by having the lead character constantly question the philosophers teachings， you don’t have to hold on to any of the doubt yourself
Lexi
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Like any self-help books， you'll have to take parts or this book with a grain of salt。 There are some controversial concepts which may come off as a bit insensitive。 I did enjoy the unique format whereby the book is written in the form of a dialogue。 It did feel that it dragged on at some parts。 I found Ali Abdaal's summary on YouTube more engaging than the book itself。 Three stars for some unique concepts but was on the verge of rating this a bit lower。 Like any self-help books， you'll have to take parts or this book with a grain of salt。 There are some controversial concepts which may come off as a bit insensitive。 I did enjoy the unique format whereby the book is written in the form of a dialogue。 It did feel that it dragged on at some parts。 I found Ali Abdaal's summary on YouTube more engaging than the book itself。 Three stars for some unique concepts but was on the verge of rating this a bit lower。 。。。more
Clara Van Staden
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I found the dialogue format something to get used to， but enjoyed the idea of focusing on your life tasks and viewing other people as comrades。 Some of the ideas took me a while to wrap my head around， definitely gave me something to think about。
Caroline Peni
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I see myself as the 'youth' in the book as I saw people around me as my enemies。 Focuses on Alfred Adler's individual-psychology school of thought， Kishimi talks about how all problem are interpersonal problem， and as long as we see other as enemies， we will never make peace with ourselves and others。 A friend asked one day on how to distinguish between being selfish and self-love。 This book can answer her question。 I see myself as the 'youth' in the book as I saw people around me as my enemies。 Focuses on Alfred Adler's individual-psychology school of thought， Kishimi talks about how all problem are interpersonal problem， and as long as we see other as enemies， we will never make peace with ourselves and others。 A friend asked one day on how to distinguish between being selfish and self-love。 This book can answer her question。 。。。more
Akshi Panwar
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The books provides a completely different perspective of looking at life and talks about how 'present' is the only thing that matters。 The writing style was not to my taste， but the words made a lot of sense。 The books provides a completely different perspective of looking at life and talks about how 'present' is the only thing that matters。 The writing style was not to my taste， but the words made a lot of sense。 。。。more
Toni
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Great book on Alderian psychology。
Haley
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“Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others”“Unless one is unconcerned by other people’s judgments， has no fear of being disliked by other people， and pays the cost that one might never be recognized， one will never be able to follow through in one’s own way of living。 That is to say， one will not be able to be free。”“Yes。 It is a series of moments called ‘now’。 We can live only in the here and now。 Our lives exist only in moments。 Adults who do not know this attempt to impose ‘linear’ li “Do Not Live to Satisfy the Expectations of Others”“Unless one is unconcerned by other people’s judgments， has no fear of being disliked by other people， and pays the cost that one might never be recognized， one will never be able to follow through in one’s own way of living。 That is to say， one will not be able to be free。”“Yes。 It is a series of moments called ‘now’。 We can live only in the here and now。 Our lives exist only in moments。 Adults who do not know this attempt to impose ‘linear’ lives onto young people。 Their thinking is that staying on the conventional tracks—good university， big company， stable household—is a happy life。 But life is not made up of lines or anything like that。”“First， there are two objectives for behavior: to be self-reliant and to live in harmony with society。 Then， the two objectives for the psychology that supports these behaviors are the consciousness that I have the ability and the consciousness that people are my comrades。”“One needs to think not What will this person give me？ but， rather， What can I give to this person？ That is commitment to the community。”“PHILOSOPHER: None of us live in an objective world， but instead in a subjective world that we ourselves have given meaning to。 The world you see is different from the one I see， and it’s impossible to share your world with anyone else。” 。。。more
Ridhi Sharma
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Maybe a 4。5。 If not for the "trauma does not exist" part， this would have definitely been a 5 star read。 Undoubtedly， one worth reading though。The book is an ongoing dialogue between an impassioned youth trying to get a philosopher to to take back his claims and change his beliefs。 To say the youth's voice was my inner thinking rejecting all his claims would be an understatement。 SO glad I picked up the book， I know it's one I'll keep going back to！！ P。S: Kinda surprised the Socratic method of t Maybe a 4。5。 If not for the "trauma does not exist" part， this would have definitely been a 5 star read。 Undoubtedly， one worth reading though。The book is an ongoing dialogue between an impassioned youth trying to get a philosopher to to take back his claims and change his beliefs。 To say the youth's voice was my inner thinking rejecting all his claims would be an understatement。 SO glad I picked up the book， I know it's one I'll keep going back to！！ P。S: Kinda surprised the Socratic method of teaching worked for me。 。。。more
Onur V。
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Why have I never heard of Adler until now？ This book is pretty solid and it made me want to explore the idea more in depth。
TBR-S
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DNF。This started off promising。 Great ideas about feelings of inferiority and how we assign meaning to things。 Then started the victim-blaming。 No。 Just no。
Morwinus
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Life changing。
Karthikeyan S
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There are few books that could shake our fundamental beliefs that we had all along our lives。 This is one such book which hit me hard and gave me an entirely different perspective on behaviour and lifestyle ！This book has been presented in the form of conversation between a youth who seeks clarity about life and a philosopher。 For each of the life's challenges， the philosopher draws out explanations and probable solutions from "Teleology" based Adler's Psychology。Teleology is the explanation of There are few books that could shake our fundamental beliefs that we had all along our lives。 This is one such book which hit me hard and gave me an entirely different perspective on behaviour and lifestyle ！This book has been presented in the form of conversation between a youth who seeks clarity about life and a philosopher。 For each of the life's challenges， the philosopher draws out explanations and probable solutions from "Teleology" based Adler's Psychology。Teleology is the explanation of phenomena in terms of the purpose they serve rather than of the cause by which they arise。This book gave me amazing realizations on various emotions， trauma， inferiority & superiority complex， relationship with oneself and others， and most importantly what is happiness ！It finishes beautifully by emphasizing on the need to live "Here & Now" rather than looking at past & future ！Below are my key takeaways from this gem of a book :1。 Life is simple; World is simple too ！ It is just the way we look at it and handle makes it appear complicated。2。 We fabricate our emotions in order to attain our purpose that lies deep within。 Ex: We fabricate anger just to make someone submit to us。3。 All our problems are interpersonal relationship problems （due to subjective feeling and comparison with others）4。 Life is not a competition。 Look at others in your community as your comrades。5。 Admitting fault is not defeat。 Don't fall into the bait of power struggle。6。 Accept your abilities and limitations。 Have confidence in others; Contribute to community。 By just being existing， we can be of value to someone。 7。 Practice "Separation of tasks" - We are not responsible for how others respond， perform their tasks。 We can only support to our best ability。8。 Workaholism is a life lie。 It is a means of simply trying to avoid other responsibilities by using work as an excuse9。 Don't live to satisfy the expectation of others。 Don't do anything seeking reward or recognition。 Just do things to your best satisfaction。10。 Real freedom is having the courage to be disliked by others - Whether others like or dislike us is something we are not responsible for ！11。 The greatest life lie of all is to not live here and now。 Life is decided here & now。 "Now" should be the bright spotlight of our life。 The brightness can make our past and future disappear。12。 Life in general has no meaning。 Whatever meaning life has must be assigned to it by the individual。Overall， I would recommend this book as must read， for its valuable life lessons ！ 。。。more
Bettina
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Lots of very helpful information， the structure of philosophical conversation felt a little forced， but the Adlerian phycology used have a lot of potential to help people look at their world differently。
Pete Mac
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Awesome book except for trauma section
Eng zaz
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Some books will propose ideas that you wouldn't think about in your lifetime。 this book is one of them。 I sincerely enjoyed the book， and the views of the book will keep challenging a lot of the ways I used to think and give me a new perspective on my future thoughts。 Some books will propose ideas that you wouldn't think about in your lifetime。 this book is one of them。 I sincerely enjoyed the book， and the views of the book will keep challenging a lot of the ways I used to think and give me a new perspective on my future thoughts。 。。。more
Jachin Friday
，
This book is about Adlerian psychology and the various perspectives it takes on life issues， including: The Past and The Future: In Adlerian psychology， the past and the future do not exist and so therefore have no effect on the present moment。 This also leads to a denial of "trauma"， or the belief that past experiences can serve as explanations for present states。 Etiology vs。 Teleology: Etiology is the belief that past causes create present circumstances， while teleology is the belief that peo This book is about Adlerian psychology and the various perspectives it takes on life issues， including: The Past and The Future: In Adlerian psychology， the past and the future do not exist and so therefore have no effect on the present moment。 This also leads to a denial of "trauma"， or the belief that past experiences can serve as explanations for present states。 Etiology vs。 Teleology: Etiology is the belief that past causes create present circumstances， while teleology is the belief that people orient themselves towards achieving certain goals。 Adlerian psychology rejects etiological explanations and instead prefers teleological ones， believing that human beings create their circumstances with goals in mind。 Work: Anything and everything in one's life， including hobbies， child rearing， employment， and familial duties， is work， and deserved to be treated with a great degree of dedication。 A focus on any one of these to the detriment of another is a negative。 Separation of Tasks: The idea that a clear delineation should be made in the minds of every individual as to what is his responsibility and what is someone else's。The Courage to be Disliked: The ability to be ok with the fact that others will not like you no matter what you do， and to accept that this is not your responsibility。 This is a natural consequence of the separation of tasks， which states that the desire to be approved of is allowing someone else to interfere with one's own tasks。 This is what the Adlerians call "freedom"。 Praise/Blame: In Adlerian psychology， both praise and blame are bad forms of education， because they train the child to think in terms of rewards。 Thus， when these rewards are gone， the desire to do good is no longer present; in fact， many may act badly to get some kind of attention， because the negative rewards are better than being in the mass of faceless "normal" people。 The attitude of not needing to be praised or blamed is called the courage to be normal。 Encouragement: Instead of praise and blame， which are designed to manipulate the individual into doing whatever the superior wants them to do， individuals should encourage each other as peers， helping them have the courage to make the correct decisions for their life as opposed to trying to benefit/give benefits to someone else。Intimacy: Social interactions are measured by their closeness and depth Community: The community is the entire universe， including past， present， and future。 Such a community cannot actually be imagined and is automatically joined， but it serves as a useful tool for understanding that there are always additional communities to become a part of if the local community begins to break down。 Lines vs。 Dots: Many people imagine their lives as linear， going towards some goal that they need to accomplish。 Adlerians imagine life as a constant journey， going from one moment to another。 Because the future does not exist， there is no way to prepare for it and， as a result， the individual should simply focus on doing good here and now。 The Meaning of Life: While the universe as a whole has no purpose， the individual gives meaning to life by assigning his own life meaning。 Want to reread 。。。more
Nikhil
，